I believe as we move through the ages and layers and cycles of our lives we have certain periods of profound growth and change, mixed in of course with periods of stability.
I’m currently caught in a big cycle of growth and change and in some ways I feel like I can’t catch my breath. Grounding is really imperative right now.
Sometimes I think we choose our spiritual and personal development, and sometimes I think it chooses us.
To support the work I do as a yoga instructor I have committed myself to a life’s work of self practice, with this comes a deep level of contemplation, much reading, (in my case) a lot of writing, meditation, physical exercises, consciousness of diet, consciousness of energy, relationships, communication and so on.
This year I have read 3 books** that have kind of blown the lid off how I exist in the world. They have made me question how I want to be and what I want to work on to continually evolve as a person. This is making me question what ways I might finally be willing to show up for myself and accept myself, so I can start letting go of a lifetime of unnecessary guilt, unrealistic perfectionism, and a constant worry of pleasing other people over taking care of myself.
The truth about growth is it’s hard… it’s challenging and uncomfortable.
Throughout this process I am endeavouring to open a true lens of examination. Its quite difficult to look at yourself from every angle, every level and consider where you may need to show up some more and where you are over doing it and may need to back off.
Looking within reveals to me what I need to cultivate more acceptance around, where I need to outright change behaviour or make amends, who the people are that I have collected along the journey; who stands with me and supports me, who judges my journey from the sidelines and who doesn’t show up at all.
Sometimes I think I’d rather avoid the work.
Defining personal authenticity is a profound and humbling experience and the deeper I go the more I am sure it is not an undertaking for the faint of heart.
I can’t help but wonder….
Who are we when we put down all masks of ego and comparison, when we stop making any decision based off of “what will other people think”?
Who might we become if we could truly be led by compassion, empathy and wide eyed curiosity for the amazing nature of life?
Today I’m not looking for certainty.
Today I just want the space to be in the vacuum of growth with the strange comfort in knowing that who I will be as I emerge on the far side of this will be changed.